Why confront my fears to treat my phobia?

Fear is a primary emotion that accompanies the awareness of a threat, a danger, when it is real, present. When I anticipate a danger, it is not exactly the same emotion but what we call “anxiety”. It is very intuitive not to want to be afraid, not to want to feel anxiety, as it seems natural to seek relief from pain. When I am confronted with something I fear (e.g. an injection, vomit, the judgement of others, a car, a dog, a spider…), anxiety arises in me. It can be felt with more or less intensity.

To feel better, I may try to escape the situation: either by avoiding (not confronting the situation that generates fear, anxiety) or by escaping (confronting but facing the intensity of the emotion felt, extracting myself from the anxious situation). This type of behaviour is not problematic in itself when it is isolated, however, most of the time this type of securing behaviour tends to increase. The big problem with avoidance is that it soothes my negative emotion in the very short term. If I am soothed in the very short term I will tend to repeat this ‘safety’. Thus, by avoiding I do not allow my emotions to live their emotional life, i.e. to be born, to live and to disappear. Moreover, by avoiding I avoid my brain to activate its super power of adaptation: indeed we tend not to consider the high capacities of our body to adapt! Let’s say you move near a bell that rings every 15 minutes. You are likely to have these thoughts: “Why didn’t I think of that?”; “I hope it doesn’t ring at night”; “Well, I’ll send my notice to give my flat back at the end of the month”. It is also likely that you are aware of the ringing of the bells every 15 minutes, but you are unlikely to pay much attention to them after a few days and hardly hear them at all after a few months.